Perceptual Positions: from eight different but overlapping perspectives.
- Peter Howie
- Feb 7
- 41 min read
Perceptual Positions: from eight different but overlapping perspectives.
Introduction
This paper is a collection of perspectives from various authors on the Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) framework of Perceptual Perspectives or Perceptual Positions. This is not a sales pitch for NLP - this is only one small part of the NLP theory/world view and I definitely do not advocate on their behalf. All their perspective were gleaned from observing very very good therapists and hoiw those therapists did exceptional work. Being familiar with these perspective can give a person a wider range of ways to talk about communication between people in relationships and in groups. Enjoy - and if you don't please let me know why and how I might change this paper which I consider to always be a draft.
At its simplest there are three perspectives. Some people try and add further perspectives but in reality, there are any number possible perceptual positions or perspectives. For instance:
· we can change our perspective from the present to the past or into the future;
· we can change our perspective from a work perspective to a family perspective
· we can change it from a career perspective to a community service perspective
· we can change it from a political or financial or health perspective.
The three perspectives offered here are the perspective of (1) ‘I’ or me or self-perspective; (2) you or the other or the other person’s shoes perspective; (3) the fly on the wall, helicopter perspective or the systems or group perspective. Here are a variety of renderings of these simple ideas and I hope one or more of them will grab you. Each perspective has its strengths and its weaknesses in a given context. Developing a capacity to each of these well, is important.
Each perspective can be practiced in an internal manner by shifting your internal focus and then developing actions and plans based on your internal assessment from these perspectives. Each can be practiced in an external relational communicative manner. This paper may be used for either purpose, but it is encouraged that you practice the language in your intercommunication and significant relationships. That is: practice, consciously, using language about yourself, that is ‘I’ language; language about the other person, ‘you’ statements; and also ‘we’ statements that are about the system or the relationships.
I’ve done it this way because different people explain it in different and equally useful ways – find the way that makes sense to you. These have mostly been written or people working in organisations. Give yourself between one and five years to master this one.
These are not in any priority order. You may also just use AI is you are a lazy bludger and don't want to do any work. In that case it'll take you between five and 10 years to master. 🤣
I’ve included what were the website links where is copied the material not that you need to go there but to show it wasn’t my stuff, though I have modified and edited here and there. Also the links may well be out of date.
1) Perceptual Positions the First
First position
How we naturally perceive our environment and the people in it, is from first position; it’s where our sense of ‘self’ resides. We use words such as ‘I’ and ‘me’ to describe our experience and in this position each person is seeing through our own eyes, hearing through our own ears (plus our internal dialogue) and are aware of the feelings in our body and the thoughts in their heads. (If we can see ourself in our mind’s eye we are dissociated, and not in first position).
Benefits of first position
There are many benefits to using first position, it’s useful when you are deciding on an outcome. It’s the position from which people are assertive, expressing their view, and pursuing their own goals. It’s also useful for when you are carrying out an ecology check in terms of goals and outcomes to ensure they create a win-win situation for all concerned.
Times when first position is not useful
In first position we only think about how things affect us because all we are aware of is our own perspective. If we only operated from this position we could become egotistical, insensitive and have little regard for other people’s feelings.
Second position
Second position is when you imagine stepping into the shoes of someone in a particular interaction and then experiencing the world through their eyes. You see, hear, feel, taste and smell their reality. Dissociating from your own thoughts, feelings and beliefs and associating into the ‘other’, you ‘see’ yourself through their eyes – and think of that person as ‘you’, not ‘I’. As you do this you increase your awareness of what things might be like for the other person. The more you can take on their beliefs, values, and internal scripts and other aspects of their internal representations, the more accurate you will be.
Benefits of second position
By adopting second position we obtain important new insights about our relationship and the interaction with the other person. We can gather useful data about ourselves in the process too. We’re able to develop empathy and compassion for the other person. In our mind’s eye we can look at ourselves, see our own facial expressions, add body language, hear our voice, and get a sense of what it’s like to be on the receiving end of our own behaviour. This means we have increased choice about how to interact with them, which is especially useful when we can’t understand why they are behaving the way they are.
Times when second position is not useful
Those who get ‘stuck’ in second position can become easily influenced by others and prioritise the other person’s or group’s needs over their own. Accepting other people’s version of things can lead to a loss of self-confidence and hold us back from fulfilling our potential. When we continually put ourself last there can be a tendency to take on other people’s problems, which can leave us emotionally drained.
Third position
This is the observer perspective. In third position we see, hear and feel what an interaction is like from an external perspective. From this viewpoint we’re able to stand back and perceive the relationship between ourselves and others. This places us outside the communication process and allows us to act as a witness to what takes place. In third position we are associated but detached from the interaction, which allows us to feel resourceful and analyse what is happening. The information we gather can then be taken back to first position.
Benefits of third position
The objectivity we get from standing back or taking an observers view can be extremely valuable. When we’re in the situation our emotions can get in the way of noticing what’s going on, particularly when there’s conflicting behaviour. Third position is sometimes also called the ‘meta’ position, and provides an opportunity for the person to stand outside their own experience when that’s required.
Times when third position is not useful
If you operated by third position as your modus operandi or default position than you could end up becoming detached. Not only would you lack feelings, you would come across to others as motionless, a bit like a robot.
Perceptual Positions technique for an internal insight-shift.
This is often best done with three chairs.
1. Select a relationship or situation you want to improve in some way. To start with we recommend you choose a small problem and as you become more experienced at using the technique you can progress to larger problem.
2. First position – start in one chair: Begin by considering the situation from your own perspective. Re-experience it through your own eyes, as if you were looking at the other person. Listen to what they might have to say to you. See the expression on their face. Become aware of how you feel. Use first person language when you speak as if you were actually talking to them; you can do this inside your head or out loud.
3. Break state – allow the scene to fade.
4. Second position – try the next chair: Now imagine you’re standing in the shoes of the other person. Become aware of how this person experiences the situation. Replay the interaction from this person’s viewpoint. Pay attention to the thoughts and insights that surface as you observe the ‘you’ over there. Use second person language to describe what you experience, i.e. refer to yourself as ‘you’. In this position remember that it is not you, you might be in this position or what you might do in these shoes but how it is for this person. Use your imagination.
5. Break state.
6. Third position move to the last chair: Next, move to a detached place where you can observe both first (self) and second (other) position. Once again replay the situation as if you were watching and listening to a film. Be curious about what unfolds before you. Note the learnings you gain from this perspective.
7. Return to first position, bringing the learnings and insights from the other perceptual positions with you. Pay attention to the difference in your experience. What did you learn? How is it different now?
8. Repeat the cycle as many times as necessary. Ending with first position helps to consolidate the changes you make in how you will respond in the future.
The Perceptual Positions technique provides a systematic way of gathering insights from first, second and third position. This exercise can be repeated as many times as necessary – each cycle brings new information, insights and learnings that can be used to dramatically improve the situation and resolve the problem.
2) Perceptual Positions the Second
Perceptual positions ... in more depth
So how does an analysis of Perceptual Positions relate to everyday life? If you consider any situation that you have been in, you can think about it from at least three different positions: self, other and observer.
In a writing situation
As I sit here writing, I could think about these pages solely through my own eyes and perceptual filters but I may end up with something that will only appeal to me. If I am to be at all successful as a writer, I need to be able to put myself into the shoes of the potential reader. I must be able to consider what it is that you already know, what you might want to know, how what I am writing might be interesting or useful to you. This is useful to me but with each of these perspectives I can only experience the website from these two separate perspectives. If I add in the perspective of the observer then I can begin to notice the relationship between the reader and myself, and that is different from my experience and the reader's experience; a new dimension has been added and I can start to understand the relationship between the two parties. How do they understand why I am writing what I am writing?
I can then take the information that I have learned from each perspective and bring it back into the Self Position, first position. I can then check out if I believe that I am being successful in communicating what I want to; if not, then I can change it. I need to repeat this process continuously as I am writing and later editing what I have written if I am going to produce something that I am happy with and that others will want to read.
Developing Perceptual Positions
When we explore perceptual positions, we start to develop the ability to experience relationships in a new way, developing the ability to see and to hear and to feel the relationship through the eyes and the ears and the emotions of the other person, developing the ability to explore the relationship through the eyes and ears of a neutral observer, a fly on the wall, a hidden video camera. When we add these new dimensions to our current perspective we learn new ways of behaving that will enrich and enhance each and every relationship we are in.
On a personal level you can use it to explore your relationship with your partner, your children or your friends. On a professional level you can use it to explore your relationship with your boss, your colleagues, your internal or external customers or clients.
Some examples
The mother who started to realise her own part in encouraging the terrible two syndrome and developed different ways in which to relate to her toddler.
The father who realised that his weekly Friday night argument with his teenage daughter was getting neither of them anywhere and that unless he changed his strategy and his behaviour he would only alienate her further.
The training manager who wanted to get a training package accepted by the board of a major retailing company who developed the skill of "seeing" situations through the eyes of each and every member of the board and started meeting their needs rather than her own.
Their needs would of course be best met through delivering the training package.
The senior consultant who needed to understand his clients' positions better so that he could help them to achieve their outcomes easier.
Preferences
As we start to explore shifting between these three positions, most people find that initially they have a preference for one or other of these three.
Once we have explored these in more detail, it may help you to decide which you utilise more than the others.
Self Position (First perceptual Position)
When I am fully experiencing the Self Position, I am seeing, hearing and feeling from my own perspective. I am looking out of my own eyes, hearing with my own ears and feeling my own feelings and emotions. As I become aware of myself and my thoughts, I start to realise what is important to me, to know what it is that I want from this interaction, this relationship. I become more aware of what I believe and value and as I continue this internal process, I am more likely to be assertive about my own needs. I become more authentic, more congruent, and true to myself. When I am using this position I am better able to stand up for what I believe in, what matters to me. I can also become more aware of my own boundaries and their limits and hence am more likely to look after myself.
If, however, I spend too much time in the Self Position, there will also be disadvantages (if we experience any interaction solely from one perspective then there will be problems and this is true of Self (1), Other (2) and Observer (3).
The downside of only using the Self Position is that I can become very self-centred and maybe even supercilious. Who cares, you might say? I trust that the answer to that will become clearer as we develop the ability to take other perspectives.
Other Position (Second perceptual Position)
When I am fully experiencing the Other Position, I am trying to see, hear and feel the interaction from the Other Person's perspective. What I am developing is the ability to see the world through the Other Person's eyes, listen through their ears and feel their feelings and emotions. If I do this well, then I can start to get a sense of what the Other believes and values; what is important to the Other. I can get a better understanding of what the Other wants and if I develop this skill and begin to do this accurately then I can be more empathic to the Other's needs and wants. I can even begin to predict how the Other might respond in this situation. If the Other is someone I admire or value then I can even start to model the Other's behaviour. I am certainly in a better position to be able to offer better customer service or consulting or counselling or loving or companioning or leading or coaching. This position is really useful at those times when I don't understand the Other and it helps me to establish and maintain better rapport.
There is a potential downside, of course. If I occupy only the Other Position then it becomes easier to forget about my own needs and wants. If I am not careful I may become acquiescent or even servile to others and only really notice other people's needs and wants.
Observer Position (Third perceptual Position)
When I am fully experiencing the Observer Position, it is as though I am seeing, hearing and feeling the interaction from an outsider's perspective - a camera or a fly on the wall. I can watch and listen to each of the people involved as they communicate without getting involved myself, without having to feel their feelings and emotions. From this new perspective, I am more likely to get an overview of the situation, the bigger picture. I can start to notice patterns and become aware of similarities and differences between the parties involved. I get some distance and with the distance I am better able to analyse the situation logically with less emotional involvement. I can learn to detach myself from any stress. In addition, I can start to see myself as others, more generally, see me.
If I get good at this then I can even start to coach myself into more effective approaches.
The Observer Position is really useful whenever I encounter obstacles because I can move to this new "time out" place where I can take stock of the situation and gain new insights. And hopefully these new insights will give me other possibilities, different ways of behaving. If I get lost in the trees, this position helps me to see the forest again.
The downside is that if I occupy only the Observer Position, then I risk the danger of becoming condescending and cold and, just as bad, being perceived as condescending and cold.
3) Perceptual Positions the Third
Have you ever had the experience of another person being unable to see things from your point of view? It’s as if that person has such a tight grip on their own model of reality it’s impossible for them to contemplate another perspective.
Having said that to a certain extent, in certain contexts, we all behave this way at times because we are so immersed in our own map of reality. Have you ever been in a situation where someone has told you something and you’ve adopted their point of view and jumped on their bandwagon without taking a broader view and finding out about the bigger picture? That’s a common experience too.
The benefit of being able to not only understand other people's maps of the world AND to be able to think in a multi-dimensional way is that you can improve your communication, be more influential, create and maintain rapport,, demonstrate empathy for others and be able to resolve conflict. Plus in the context of business, you can negotiate effectively, improve customer service and develop marketable products.
This idea of adopting 'multiple perspectives' is a model that, John Grinder and Judith DeLozier highlighted in systematically shifting from one perceptual position to another you can make available information about a situation that may have been out of your conscious awareness.
There are three main perceptual positions: first, second and third position. These involve seeing things from our own perspective (first), from another person in the situation (second or other), and from a detached viewpoint (third or observer).
When we want to expand our understanding of a situation, we can either use the other and observer positions in an ad hoc way, quickly 'trying on' those different stances.
First position
Your sense of self resides in the first position. This is where you naturally perceive your environment and the people in it. You will use words such as ‘I’ and 'me' to describe your experience, and have your own way of standing and gesturing that is personal to you. In this position you're associated, looking through your own eyes, hearing through your own ears (plus your internal dialogue) and are aware of the feelings in your body. If you can see yourself in your mind's eye then you are dissociated, and that’s not in first position.
When you would use first position
There are many benefits to using first position. When you're deciding on an outcome it's important to know what you want. It's the position from which people are assertive, expressing their view, and pursuing their own goals. Carrying out an ecology check from this position when considering outcomes ensures the action you commit to fits with your sense of identity.
Disadvantage to first position
In first position you only think about how things affect you because all you are aware of is your own perspective. If you only operated from this position you'd become egotistical, narcissistic and insensitive to the feelings of other people, and could easily end up trampling on them.
Second position
In second position you imagine stepping into the shoes of someone in a particular interaction and experiencing the world through their eyes. You take on their posture, breathe the way they do, and act as if you were them. You see, hear, feel, taste and smell their reality. Dissociating from your own thoughts, feelings and beliefs and associating into the 'other', you 'see' yourself through their eyes - and think of that person as 'you', not ‘I’. As you do this you increase your awareness of what things might be like for the other person. The more you can take on their beliefs, values, Meta Programs and other aspects of their internal representations, the more accurate you will be.
When you would use second position
By adopting second position you can obtain important new information about your relationship with the other person. You’ re able to develop empathy and compassion for them. You can also gather useful information about yourself in this process too. In our mind's eye we can look at ourselves, see your own facial expressions, your body language, hear your own voice, and get a sense of what it's like to be on the receiving end of your own behaviour. This means you now have increased choice about how to interact with the other person, which is especially useful when you couldn't figure out why they were behaving the way they were.
Disadvantage of second position
Those who get 'stuck' in second position can become easily influenced by others, and prioritize their needs over their own. Accepting other people's version of things can lead to a loss of self-confidence and self-esteem which can hold you back from fulfilling your potential. When you continually put yourself last there can be a tendency to take on other people's problems, which leaves you emotionally drained.
Third position
Third position is like the fly on the wall or a CCTV camera. We see, hear and feel what an interaction is like from an external perspective. From this viewpoint we're able to stand back and perceive the relationship between ourselves and others. This places us outside the communication process and allows us to act as a witness to what takes place. In third position we are associated but detached from the interaction, which allows us to feel resourceful and analyse what's happening. The information we gather can then be taken back to first position.
When to use third position
The objectivity we get from standing back or taking a this fly on the wall viewpoint can be extremely valuable. When we're in the situation our emotions can get in the way of noticing what's going on, particularly when there's conflict or aggressive behavior. Third position is sometimes also called 'Meta' position, and features in many NLP patterns and change techniques, providing an opportunity for the person to stand outside their own experience when that's required.
4) Perceptual Positions the Fourth
Perceptual Positions & Flexible Identity
Flexibility is the Healer’s most valuable skill, and the most useful kind of flexibility is being able to change at will our point of view, and therefore our identity. There are three basic positions from which we perceive reality. Ordinarily we move among these perceptual positions unconsciously, and although it seems we are always the same person, there is a subtle shift in identity with each change of position. The three perceptual positions are:
Self, Other & Observer Perceptual Positions
1. Self Position is a feeling position where you are associated in your own body, looking out through your own eyes. Looking down, you can see your feet. You can hear sounds and feel your bodily sensations and emotions. If you are triggered, you will automatically be in Self Position, feeling what is triggered in you. Use this position to know your own feelings and desires.
To better understand this position (and the rest of the article), take a moment now to experience yourself in your body. Curl your toes and then feel into the energy down there as you relax them. And now remember a time when you were with another person, and you were feeling good. If you can, close your eyes for a moment and remember what it was like being back there, looking out through your own eyes and seeing what is around and beneath you. Remember the feel of the air on your skin, and the pull of gravity on your body, and what you are feeling back in this time. This is Self Position, associated in your own body, either in the present or in an inner remembered or imagined experience
2. Other Position is also a feeling position where you are associated, as if you are in the body of another person. You are identified with the other person, as if you are looking out through their eyes, hearing the sounds they are hearing, and feeling some of their sensations and emotions. You are able to feel what they’re feeling and able to see things from their point of view. When you want to know another the way they know themselves, use this position. A sense of compassion for the other is a sure sign you are here. Use this position to come into greater rapport with another, or to learn what they are experiencing and what they want.
To experience Other Position, see yourself and the other person back in the time you just remembered. Now go into the position of the other person, as if you are them. You are in their body, looking out through their eyes. As the other, you can see what is around and beneath you, and you can and feel what they are feeling back in this time. This is Other Position, associated in the body of another. At first you may think you are making it up about how they feel, however a little practice will show you that you can indeed know what another is feeling.
3. Observer/Field Position is a neutral position where you are disassociated from both Self
Position and Other Position, and instead you are associated in the field, sensing the energy of those you are observing. In this position you’re able to see both Self and Other from a viewpoint midway between them, and observe the patterns of their relating. Here you are the loving yet neutral observer who can see what is happening in the field of the relating and sense the energy of the whole situation with loving awareness. This is your perceptual position when you are the Healer.
Awareness of the energy in the field is tremendously helpful for any interaction with others. In Observer/Field position we are able to feel, sense and observe the energy of the whole system and become more aware of the dynamics in a relationship, a family or any group. Use this position to keep track of states and behaviors in both self and other, and to sense the energy in the field of your relating.
To experience Observer Position, remember again the memory you just revisited in Self and Other, and see the two of you back there in that scene. Be halfway between yourself and the other person so you can see them both equally. And sense the quality of that moment. This is Observer/Field Position, disassociated from both Self and Other while associated in the field, sensing the energies of the combined experiences.
Perceptual Positions awareness and flexibility is an important skill in Process Coaching. We are very grateful to Neuro-Linguistic Programming developers and trainers Judith DeLozier for discovering this previously unconscious process and Robert Diltz for further developing it.
Point of View Awareness
Our sense of self in the moment, ‘who we are’ is unconsciously determined in a large part by our point of view in the moment. When we bring our perceptual position to the foreground of awareness we become conscious of our previously unconscious movement among the three perceptual positions. Practicing this enough to remember it when triggered enables us to free our attention and awareness and more easily and quickly get ourselves unstuck.
Becoming aware of the point of view we are coming from in the moment gives us the ability to change our perceptual position, and therefore our identity. With a little practice we can decide which position is the most advantageous in each moment, and then simply move into it.
For instance, when you want to know more about what another is experiencing, move into Other Position to be with them. When you want to know more about what you yourself are experiencing or what you desire, move into Self Position.
When consciously moving from Self to Other or from Other to Self Position, always move through Observer Position. This keeps your feelings and perceptions as either Self or Other ‘clean,’ and not mingled with the feelings or perceptions from the other associated position.
Often there has been a habitual, unconscious movement directly between Self and Other. This unconscious movement can easily cause confusion about who is feeling what in the short term, and enmeshment in the long term. Becoming aware of this previously unconscious habit of attention, and instead moving consciously through Observer/Field position when going between Self and Other creates a new habit, making it much easier to have a clear sense of yourself and the other person, and therefore making it easy to maintain healthy boundaries.
Each of us typically feels most comfortable in one of the three positions, and sometimes so comfortable, we get ‘stuck’ there. Being able to consciously move among the perceptual positions gives us more information about a given situation and much greater flexibility of point of view, and therefore identity. For instance, being able to come out of a triggered state in Self by going into Observer enables us to become the Healer and gather resources so we can be there with loving acceptance for the hurt part of self that had been stuck in Self Position.
Although most of us have favoured one perceptual position over the others, we can learn to intentionally move among them at will. Because of the additional flexibility we gain and the new information we can gather by intentionally moving among the three positions, communication and understanding become greatly enhanced.
The Gift of Observer Position
Observer/Field is the perceptual position where we can become the Healer of ourselves. Rather than being identified with what we are feeling, in this position we’re able to be the observer who can feel into our body and locate specific feelings. Here we can easily become aware of patterns where we were previously trapped, and notice both triggered feelings in the body and habits of conditioning in the mind that have held us captive. We can do this both for ourselves and for the whole field we are sensing and observing.
Also, from Observer/Field Position we are able to bring the resource of loving acceptance to the most triggered parts of ourselves, and at deeper layers of Being, to the most lost parts of Creation. True self-healing is possible only when we are able to find ourselves in the identity of Observer. Observer/Field Position is also referred to as Third Position.
The Gift of Self Position, Desire, Passion, Triggers and Joy
The gift of flexibility allows evolution to happen. If we were only the observer, we could not be engaged or have a deeply felt experience of life the way we can in Self Position. Nor could we access our true desires–which we must feel in order to know. When in Self Position we can feel feelings and identify with parts of ourselves that are in need of healing. Self Position is where we experience triggers that inform us of where healing is needed. Also after doing some healing work, it’s good to come back into Self Position and feel the newfound love in the places we had not known it before. It is in Self Position where we can be childlike, have fun, play and best experience passion and joy. Self Position is also referred to as First Position.
The Gift of Other Position, the Doorway to Compassion
We can be trapped observing life in Observer Position, or stuck in Self Position taking everything personally. Being able to go into Other position with another is the essence of rapport, and by doing this we can experience what it is like being the other person.
Learning the skill of consciously moving our perceptual position to that of the other person is an effective way to have deeper rapport and excellent communication. Further, it opens the door to loving the other. It is only through knowing someone else the way they know themselves that we can truly love them, and not just what they are reflecting of ourselves. This position also allows us to experience another’s gifts first hand and helps us become better learners. Other Position is also referred to as Second Position
Perceptual Positions Exercise
The purpose of this exercise is to develop the ability to move easily between Self, Observer, and Other positions, while experiencing well-sorted perceptions. This typically results in clear boundaries, respect for self and others, greater resourcefulness, more choices and deeper wisdom.
You can do the exercise alone, or if working with another you can read the following instructions to your partner. In either case, pause each time you see (Pause) so you can complete the inner task before going on. If you are working alone, place a finger on the paragraph you have just read, close your eyes, and then do what is suggested. When you finish doing that step, move to the next step, and so on.
1. Remember a situation where you were in the same space with another person and you were having difficulty in communication. (The first time you do this practice, choose a situation that is only mildly or moderately intense.)
2. Replay this situation in your mind from Observer/Field position. From a point of view midway between, you can see yourself on one side and the other person on the other. (Pause) In this position you can sense the energy in the field and see the patterns of the relating between the two. (Pause until you feel complete here.)
3. Now go into Self Position in this situation. Be in your own body, looking out through your own eyes. When you look down you can see what’s below you; when you look up you can see the other person across from you. Feel the air on your skin, and any other bodily sensations you are having here. And feel your emotional feelings of this time. (Pause until you feel complete here.
4. Now move back into Observer/Field position, sense the energy in the field and observe the patterns of relating from this position again. (Pause until you feel complete here.
5. Now go into Other Position. Imagine yourself in the body of the other person, looking out through their eyes. When you look down, you can see what’s beneath them. When you look up through their eyes, you can see yourself over there. As the other person, feel the air on your skin and any other bodily sensations that are available. And feel their feelings. Feel what the other is feeling while relating with you. (Pause until you feel complete here.)
6. Return to Observer/Field position and notice again the energy of the field and the patterns of the relating between the two people.
7. Now bring it all back home by coming into your body here as you are here reading this. Feel the seat under you, and the air on your skin. As you return to the present moment, notice any additional understandings about this situation that came from moving through the different positions. Write down any notes you may have. Or if working with another, find out what they experienced.
5) Perceptual Positions the Fifth
Published in Rapport Magazine Summer 1998
'A map is not the territory . . .'
Have you ever found yourself staring in amazement at another individual's 'crazy' or 'irrational' response to a situation and wondered what was happening in their head? Have you ever, as the jury in the 'Dingo Baby Case' did, judged an individual's response to a trauma as inappropriate because it differed significantly from your own response? Have you ever wondered why what you're saying doesn't seem to be getting through to the people you most need to influence, why, in Wyatt Woodsmall's words, everyone else in the universe - except thee and me, of course - seems to be a complete idiot for an incredible number of their waking hours? Well that's what we're going to be considering in this article; how we perceive the World, how our view can limit our reality and how we can transcend those limits by changing our position from a perceptual point of view, so to speak . . . . . .
Some months ago Guy Barron of Changeworks and I were working with some of his clients - a top team who had, as the result of a global reorganisation found themselves working for an ogre of a managing director.
We had introduced them to the basic principles of NLP, which they loved and felt they could really apply effectively to the main part of everything they did at work and home. But, 'the Ogre' kept coming up as an issue. It was clear that, both as individuals and together they had quickly become defeated by this man and his management style and that it was affecting everything they did and everything that they contemplated doing.
Here we were with seven highly competent professionals: a team which had successfully turned the company around, individuals who had operated at the highest levels of their industry and their business and yet who had found no way of convincing their boss to stop micro-managing them, to trust that they knew what they were doing and could be relied to act upon and solve the inevitable issues that had come up and continued to come up around the reorganisation and the increasingly accelerating changes in their marketplace. And it was defeating them. They could feel their motivation draining on a daily basis. They knew that unless they found a way of stopping what he was doing to them and to the other people in their organisation the business would falter alarmingly. Indeed, it was already doing so.
As the workshop progressed it became increasingly clear that what we needed to do here was to find a way of helping them change their perceptions so that they could change their behaviour and become more flexible, able to operate differently in their new circumstances and influence the ogre in positive ways.
We decided to work with perceptual positions to help them re-motivate themselves, begin to feel their personal and group power and find constructive ways of working with him to move the business forward . . .
First Position . . .
We all perceive the World, other people, places and things from what we call 'first position'; that is the position of ourselves as individuals looking out at, hearing and operating in and with our environment and the other people in that environment. It is a relatively limited view. We can, from this position, only be aware of what our sensory equipment can take in. This is hugely affected by the internal 'filters' we have developed at different levels of our neurology, most of which function automatically, with little or no conscious input.
To illustrate the point further, we have only to consider the everyday dilemma faced by the police when they ask witnesses to an incident to make statements. If there are five witnesses to an accident, they expect to get five markedly different accounts of what was seen, heard and felt at the time.
Rubbish, you might say. Something happened and there must be some factual information that can be ascertained to sort out the facts. Sadly the truth is that there may be no such thing as truth. There is only perception and perception is limited. Our perception becomes our reality. Different people witnessing an accident will see, hear and feel different things depending upon:
where they were at the time
what was going on in their heads - were they focused internally or externally
the state of their sensory equipment - eyesight, hearing and so on
their memories of similar situations, both things that have happened to them and which have happened to other significant people in their lives
their levels of panic, fear or reasonableness in these situations
Doing what you've always done will get you what you've always got . . .
So, how does this happen?
Human beings are innately ego-centric. As babes in arms and as infants we do all we can, usually very successfully, to make ourselves the centres of our own, and our parents' universes. And it is from this stance, this position of self and self-centredness that we learn about the World, that we develop our perceptions about ourselves and about others.
There is little in the conventional journey to adulthood that teaches us anything else. Egocentricity is wired in as a survival mechanism - it is, at its best, a primitive response essential to the whole process of staying alive.
If we've been successful in bending our parents to our will then the filters we have developed will focus us on the 'I-ness' of our viewpoint. As teenagers our outlook will expand beyond ourselves and our families to ourselves and our peer-group, a strong connection to a collective outlook but one which we have usually chosen specifically to coincide with our own view of who we are and how we want to convey our identity to the outer World.
Even attempts to fashion our morality, to get us to empathise with others, phrases such as, 'Do as you would be done to', and 'Treat thy neighbour as thyself', do little more than reinforce these primary instincts.
Developing a pattern interrupt . . . or Second Position . . .
The upside of maintaining a purely first position stance is that when we use it well it will give us useful and life-enhancing information about ourselves, how and who we are. It can help us to work at the intuitive level that small children operate so beautifully and that so often eludes us as adults.
The downside is that it can be tremendously limiting. It can distance us from other people by trapping us in patterns of thinking and behaving that pressure us and limit our beliefs about what we can choose to do in our lives.
The clearest thinking about the need to interrupt this pattern came from Fritz Perls with his notion of 'Chairwork'. His solution for clients who were 'stuck' in first position powerlessness was to do the following: invite them to
imagine that their protagonist was sitting in another chair in the room
speak to the other chair about the issue that needed to be dealt with
move to and sit in the other chair, becoming the other person as they did so, to hear what was being said as if they were that person . . . and having heard, to reply from this second position as the other person, in the other person's voice and manner
move back to their original chair and hear the reply
continue to shift between the positions, noticing, hearing and feeling the effect of the new information until the point where the client could consider making different, more flexible approaches, to the other, and start to resolve the situation.
When we collaborate in exercises like this, we talk about 'taking on', or 'going into second position' to gather more information about what we are doing.
'To emulate a great leader we have only to walk a mile in his/her moccasins . . .'
In NLP we do, of course, encourage people to do this second positioning as a regular part of the training. It is a tremendously enabling thing to do. It allows us to perceive a larger part of the whole and increases our awareness of the possibilities for new solutions and new behaviours regardless of the perceived difficulties of the situations in which we find ourselves.
When you build rapport with people, you are, in effect, second positioning them as you go into their world and take on their world view as well as your own.
A core part of the modelling process is to change your physiology and enter into the physiology of the person you have chosen to model in order to feel, hear and see things just as they do.
Scientific Objectivity . . . or Third Position . . .
NLP has built on this flexibility and increase in information by adding the notion of objectivity into the equation. It is possible we argue - and some people do it naturally because of their scientific or technical training - to take up a third position. This is the position of the detached observer; the person who can perceive the whole transaction, who can see hear and feel what is going on for each of the individuals within an interaction and in addition observe and comment on the dynamic between the two.
From this position we can make suggestions about future possibilities, about the first person becoming even more flexible in her or his approach to the second person, about points for real leverage and so on. The straightforward information gleaned from moving between the first two positions has become knowledge and now the third position becomes the starting point for turning that knowledge into real wisdom.
Utilising these three perceptual positions creatively can help us make more sense of our worlds more quickly and thus allow us to become more personally powerful. It is pretty much one of the basic starting points for developing excellent practice in NLP. It is a vital skill, one that will pay you back multi-fold when you have mastered it. You will be surprised at just how straightforward it is when you use it.
So . . . if what you're doing hasn't worked . . . do something different now . . .
Back to our top team and the ogre. They were a little surprised when we suggested that one of them should take on the ogre's role. They were even more surprised when we insisted that the individual playing the role 'mimic' or be physically as like the ogre as it was possible to be, including the way he stood, walked, sat, spoke and breathed. There was a great deal of hilarity around getting this right.
They role-played three different scenarios, with three different individuals dealing with him in their own idiosyncratic ways. The rest became third position detached observers. Needless to say the group mindset around the ogre shifted during the session; the group developed new, more flexible strategies for maintaining their own power in the on-going relationship. They have subsequently used this to good effect - as indeed you can!
6) Perceptual Positions the Sixth
The NLP 'Different Perspectives' Technique
This is a great NLP technique for improving relationships - at home, at work and socially.
It enables us to get an idea of what a situation is like from the other person's viewpoint - from their 'perspective' - through their eyes - and to then use this insight to adapt our approach to improve how we communicate with them.
It is one of the simplest and most useful NLP technique for improving your ability to communicate with others.
This is why it's one of the first techniques which we introduce in our 4-day NLP Core Skills course. (Incidentally, Different Perspectives has traditionally been called Perceptual Positions - we call it Different Perspectives in line with our aim of presenting NLP in Plain English. )
You can use the Different Perspectives Technique to:
· Improve your understanding of other people
· Think more flexibly and creatively
· Give yourself an opportunity to stand back and consider issues dispassionately
· Appreciate the impact of your verbal and non-verbal behaviour on others - and the impact of their behaviour on you.
How to use Different Perspectives
Use it to review an interaction with another person - or to prepare for a forthcoming one.
Do two rounds.
The first round provides insights into the current situation. The second round enables you to benefit from the insights gained in the first round - while mentally 'wiring in' the learnings.
Round 1
1st Perspective
See the situation through your own eyes. Run through the meeting or interaction as if you are there in it. Pay attention to your own thoughts and feelings. Consider your own needs.
2nd Perspective
Imagine what it is like to be the other person. Put yourself in their shoes - as if you are looking back at yourself, seeing, hearing, and feeling as the other person. How is 'that you over there' coming across to you. Are they in rapport with you? Are they respecting you? Is he/she taking your views into account?
3rd Perspective
Take a detached viewpoint. Imagine you are looking at yourself and the other person 'over there' - seeing the two of them speaking, gesturing etc. Pay particular attention to non-verbal behaviour such as the body language and the sound of their voices. Then consider, as a result of taking this view, what advice you wish to give 'yourself' about how you are handling the situation.
Round 2
Now repeat the process using the insights and advice from the Round 1. Run through it with the new behaviours - first as yourself, then as the other person, and finally the detached view.
Finally, think of up-coming events in which these insights may be useful. Mentally run through these while imagining that you are incorporating your new learnings.
Use it daily - for a month!
Use Different Perspectives daily on just one interaction from the day.
· Take one interaction (meeting, argument, sales visit, phone call, etc.) and review it from each 'perspective'
· Think of when you will next communicate with this person
· Now imagine how you will communicate more effectively with them as a result of running the technique just now.
Do this each day for a month and notice how your ability to effectively communicate with others improves.
7) Perceptual Positions the Seventh
Using Perceptual Positions
An article by Michael Carroll
In NLP a much-quoted presupposition is ‘the map is not the territory’. In this article I will focus on how you can change your map of the world by shifting your perceptual filters on an experience. You may have heard of a process called ‘triple position’ which offers three distinct sensory descriptions of one event. The positions are self, other and observer.
Triple position can be used to help you step back from your own mental map to get distance from emotionally charged representations. You can also use the process to create empathy and even learn new things by getting valuable insights into another person’s map of the world.
Have you ever had an experience that particularly aggravated you or annoyed you long after the event occurred? Attached to this experience would be some feelings in your body and perhaps some internally generated images and sounds connected with the event. You may have realised you needed to change state and move on but somehow you were continually sucked into the representations. The same process can and does occur for highly positive experiences the feelings, internal images and sounds of holidays, concerts etc can hold a state in you long after the event. In NLP when you are fully in an experience we call it ‘first position’.
Have you ever found yourself walking, talking and using similar body posture and gestures to another person, that in one sense you became just like this person? Have you ever learned something new by acting as if you were a person whom you know embodies the skill you are learning? In your mind’s eye you became the other person or saying it another way you associated to their filters and map. Young children learn this way by mimicking the people around them. Actors also step into the shoes of another person when playing their role. In NLP we refer to associating to another person’s map and assuming their perspective as ‘second position’.
Do you ever mentally step back during an interaction and get a sense that you can see and hear yourself and the person or people you are interacting with? Almost as though you are watching events unfold on a cinema screen or theatre stage, and you yourself as a character in the scene? In NLP we refer to the stepping back and being able to observe yourself as a person outside of you as ‘third position’.
Human beings do not operate in the real world, they operate in maps of the world. First, second and third positions are where you experience different forms of representations that map a situation from different perspectives. In NLP exploring a situation from first, second and third position is sometimes called ‘triple description’ or ‘perceptual positions’.
There are many applications for perceptual positions, here are a few:-
Exploring your performance
Planning
Dealing with conflict
Creating empathy
Stepping back from challenging situations
Being your own coach
Learning new things
Triple position – experiencing the world from different perspectives
First Position First position is your everyday experience for any event. In first you are totally associated to the experience and seeing and hearing the world through your own filters. First is your personal experience undiluted from objectivity and undiluted from another’s perspective. High performance sports, intense levels of focus and problem states are strong examples of firsts. Your life experiences are a series of historic first positions. The more you sense your body, its tactile awareness and inner sensations, the purer the first position. Some people find experiencing their body in a ‘pure first’ a challenge. Their natural way of experiencing the world is somewhat dissociated from first position. They spend most of their time in an implied ‘third’ where they have stepped out of direct experience. These people generally will not experience the sensations attached to being in a powerful positive state on the other hand they will not experience the sensations of challenging states. On the other hand some people are very good at accessing and staying in first position. They do experience the body sensations attached to powerful positive states. Such people find it a challenge to step back from the strong feelings associated to unresourceful states.
Second Position Second position is where you assume the perceptual position of another person. Impressionists are an obvious example of people who can do an excellent second position. Good salespeople, negotiators and therapists are usually highly effective at second position. They call this process seeing and hearing the world through eyes and ears of another. They do this either to create empathy or to sense how the other person builds their map. On the other hand some people overdo second position in their relationships. These people make decisions about their own behaviour through the filters (second position) of their partner. Co-dependency in relationships is an extreme example of a continual second position. Second position is the position for learning and modelling. When modelling from a state of not knowing you step into the shoes of an expert. You assume similar posture and movements. From what we now know from neuro-science, you are activating mirror neurons in your nervous system that are behaviourally dormant in you but have the same function as the neurons that are active in the expert. The second position accelerates and deepens the learning process.
The next time you are in the company of someone who is doing an activity they are very good at, try the following:
1. Clear your mind
2. Breathe in rhythm with the person
3. Micro muscle mirror – if the other person moves their arm, just move your muscles as if you were going to move your arm, feel the muscles move without lifting your arm
4. Do the above with whole body movements
5. Experience the world as if you are them; imagine yourself floating into their body so you become the other
6. In the ‘second position’ - do the activity the exemplar is doing
You may be very surprised with the hunches and intuitions you get when you do the second position exercise above. At the end of the experience make sure you resume to clean first experiencing the world as you normally do.
Third position Third is where you assume an objective observer position. In third you see and hear yourself and others outside of you as if on a cinema screen. Third position is useful if when you want to shift from emotionally charged experiences to get an objective view. Third is also useful for stepping back and getting insights into situations and seeing and hearing the bigger picture. You would assume a third to get your conscious mind learnings after conducting a ‘second position’ exercise where you have stepped into the strong feelings. Third position has a different type of feelings associated with it than first. Overall, the feelings are more objective and neutral than those experienced in first position. Some people tend to spend a lot of their day in third, and not experiencing the emotions the strong feelings are associated with first. Third position is very useful for assuming the role of being your own coach.
Be your own coach exercise
1. Immediately after an activity, physically move to a position where you have a clear view of the space where you were performing the activity. Assume an upright posture with straight spine, shoulders back. From memory, imagine you are watching yourself in the activity in the performance space. This is third position, and a space where you can offer objective feedback.
2. From memory see and hear yourself performing the activity. Some people imagine they are watching a movie or seeing a theatre performance
3. As you visualise the process, stop at salient points and offer verbal feedback for change
Applying triple position Be very clear about the sensations you experience in first and how they support you or perhaps limit you. If you need more objectivity in a given situation, step to an analytical third position. If you are over analysing, step to experiential first. If you would like more empathy with another step to second position and see and hear from another’s perspective. If you seek to learn quickly use second position and associate to the perspective an expert. Most importantly increase the number of choices available to you in your life by becoming highly flexible with your use of triple position.
8) Perceptual Positions the Eighth and last
NLP Perceptual Positions
One of the most popular exercises in our range of professional development training courses is one that comes from the world of NLP and is called Perceptual Positions.
How easy do you find it to take a multiple perspective on things? How often to you walk in another persons shoes, so to speak, in order to get a slightly different view of things? This is an exercise that is really useful in a coaching environment.
Perceptual Positions does not look at two but actually three different perspectives and it is otherwise known as a triple description.
The principle is, do not evaluate, do not judge a person or a situation until we have gained knowledge through multiple perspectives.
Why should we gain other perspectives on things do you think? Do not forget that we all have our own way of viewing the world, mine will be different from yours and so on. People interpret events differently, which is why they end up with different models of the world.
When I was a sales manager I sometimes went into meetings with my boss and as I went into the meeting I was full of energy, smiling, cheerful, my boss usually had a face like thunder. After a couple of hours together however, I could feel the energy seeping out of me and I didn’t feel like smiling any more!
I had got so good at empathising with my boss, that I had assumed their problems and their world. My boss, on the other hand, usually ended the meeting saying that they felt much better and had their energy back. Marvellous!!
Being able to take a third perspective here and see things from a neutral standpoint would have helped me to empathise in the same way, but would have enabled me to stay out of assuming their emotional position, taking on their baggage.
Would you think that that would be useful for you?
Perceptual positions allows us to take three perspective on a situation. It is a way of seeing not just another persons point of view but also a detached point of view. Looking from a neutral standpoint objectively at the situation to gain further incites. Incites that will allow us to be more flexible, more creative in our behaviour in that particular situation.
Position 1 is seeing things from our own perspective, looking through our own eyes as we do in any communication, being ourselves.
Position 2 is looking at the situation from another persons perspective, seeing things from their point of view, as if we are them, describing the events from their world, entering their model of the world. Tune into the other persons thinking, tune into their feelings.
Position 3 is a neutral point of view, looking at the situation as a whole, what can we learn from this situation looking at it from afar, from an interested observers point of view? What can we learn that will help us understand this situation better?This is about systems thinking. If you are in the system you are unable to transform it, you have to step out of that system in order to truly assist in the transformation. In a problem situation you are part of the problem and therefore you need to step out of it to find the solution. So, position 3 allows us to find that sense of detachment. Position 3 has no feelings, it allows logic to rule.
Thinking about practical applications. Can you think of someone that you are having an issue with at the moment? Or in the past maybe you had an issue with someone that was left unresolved?
Whilst the issue or problem remains unresolved you continue to be in the system so to speak, you are part of the problem between you and the other person. It is only by taking the third position that you can lift yourself out of the problem loop.
Think about what you do when you are struggling to resolve any problem. Do you ever ask for advice, maybe from a friend? That is seeking a different perspective, a third position.
An arbitrator is in the third position.
This is a great model for one to one work, for coaching, for appraisal, for consultancy.
So, here is the exercise.
You will need three chairs, or three places that you can stand to do this.
If you are doing this on your own, think of a situation that you are in now where you have an issue with someone, or think of a time in the past when you have had an issue with someone.
Take the first position and get back to the time of the issue. Stand or sit in position 1. Be yourself, feel what you were feeling during the conversation, hear what you were saying and hear what the other person was saying, see how you were reacting and how they were reacting to you.
Once you have fully regained that perspective what I would like you to do is to step out of that position. Throw off all of those feelings, by taking a deep breath, and move over to assume position 2. In position 2 you are assuming the position of the person that you were having the issue with. Take their point of view, see things as if through their eyes, feel what they were feeling, hear what they were saying and how you were replying. Become the other person. As you describe the situation really get into their identity. Describe things from their position, E.g., If I was completing the exercise, I would assume the other persons position and may say ‘I did this and that and Anthony responded in such and such a way.’
When you have a level of understanding from that position move out of position 2, take a deep breath and shake off the feelings of that position, and move over to position 3. This is the Meta position as described in NLP. In this position get a sense of what the situation is from both perspectives. Describe the events or the conversation as if you were not in it but as if you were looking down on it from a neutral position. ‘Anthony did this and whomever responded in this way or that.’ If you are finding it tricky to get a proper perspective then you can move your chair further away, stand further back.
Do things look different from here? What can you learn from this situation?
Take the learnings and if necessary then go back to position 1 and position 2 and notice any changes in how things feel and look in these positions. Go round as many times as necessary to take the learnings.
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