The Real Purpose of Foreplay

Sex is always about pleasure

wanting it, seeking it, needing it, and enjoying it’

Nan Wise ‘Why Good Sex Matters” p.37

You probably already thought you knew the real point of foreplay. Well I would like to present a very different way of looking at foreplay. I’ve already written about what many consider the endpoint: orgasm. This is about how people view the other end. The beginning bit, that is called foreplay. You know — that part of erotic engagement that is written about in many different ways and is often seen as the downfall of many people’s love-technique. See what you think. It wont take long.

WARNING DEEP PHILOSOPHY: When is a heap of sand not a heap?

In philosophy there are various important discussions — I write this tongue in cheek. Whenever I heard these discussions, I wondered how come sensible people would waste their time on writing and thinking about such arcane ideas. There is the Sorites Paradox which is an argument about when is a heap of sand not a heap of sand.

Under the assumption that removing a single grain does not turn a heap into a non-heap, the paradox is to consider what happens when the process is repeated enough times until we are left with only one grain of sand. Is this single remaining grain still a heap? If not, when did it change from a heap to a non-heap? If we add back another grain of sand does that then make it a heap?

While it is an argument that anyone can join in on, in what manner is it practical? Well let me suggest that it is a totally practical argument when it comes to sex. Or rather when it comes to deciding what is sex. This little description has been inspired by Nan Wise Why Good Sex Matters.

To begin.

Ask yourself ‘What is sex?’

You may have many answers to this question. But no one could complain if you said words to the effect of

‘intimacy between two people that leads to genital engagement’

Well, that sounds good. But let’s take a grain of sand off and by asking what are the genitals. Do we mean only the penis or the vagina? What about breasts, or the anus? What engagement is real engagement when it comes to the engagement being sex?

Let’s continue.

Is oral sex, sex?

If oral sex is not sex would you mind if your partner had oral sex with someone else? Most people would argue that oral sex is actually sex. Exploring the grains that are left in this heap show that they apparently act very much like a heap.

What about sexting? Is that sex? Another grain is taken off the heap. Do we still have a heap?

Again, would you have a problem with a significant other sexting with someone else? We are nowhere near genital touch, at this point. Do we still have a heap?

What about deep French kissing? Is that sex? Again, would you feel squeamish if a partner was doing it with another person if its not sex?

What about masturbation? Is that sex? It is intimate and involves genitals. Do we still have a heap? Are we still in the area of sex?

And in this modern era, what about Facebook posts, responses, emoji's and the like? Is that sex?

This is a rather long way of getting to the point that the idea of separating foreplay from sex is, perhaps, a silly idea.

Foreplay, far from just serving as an introduction or preparation for ‘sex’ should legitimately be treated as a main course in itself.

Originally published at https://www.drpeterhowie.com.