Loving your erotic charge
Now, I want to talk about this inner pressure that emerges in all genders. The pressure is felt as the need to ’get to the peak’, to climax, let it all out, to reach beyond the point of no-return, and to orgasm gloriously. And, without this a person is left feeling incomplete or unfinished or deficient. This inner pressure is familiar to many people. The term ‘blue balls’ is a shorthand description of incomplete sexual orgasming for people with male and female genitals. I offer the term erotic charge to describe this pressure that often feels like being charged-up, and is usually related to sexual turn-ons and potential erotic engagements.
If, on the way to the climactic goal, there are any delays or distractions, then the erotic charge is experienced as an ache or pain of being thwarted. Erotic charge is not only in the genitals, it may show anywhere in the entire body. An energetic-ness prevails in the body and mental functioning. The erotic charge, in its heightened form, is experienced as something that needs to be grounded or released, to be gotten rid of or discharged.
Sex is an over-focused goal of orgasm: if the goal isn’t reached, then engagement is not considered even ‘sex’ let alone ‘good sex’.
Sex is an over-focused goal of orgasm: if the goal isn’t reached, then engagement is not considered even ‘sex’ let alone ‘good sex’. Doesn’t sex require the absolute discharge of all erotic charge? And this can only happen through ejaculation or cumming or orgasm. Any deviation from this erotic is disastrous!
If someone loses an erection or their turn-on, all sorts of dilemmas arise. One of the main problems with people using condoms addresses this very issue: I might lose my erection putting it on! As the erotic charge grows an urgency is produced. This is a kind of discomfort that can only be ‘fixed’ by cumming. In its extreme form this pressure is much like standing on a nail. It’s got to come out. The need is very as real and urgent. If ejaculation is thwarted, a person is left with an even greater dissatisfaction than if they had not attempted to reach orgasm in the first place.
The pressure to release the erotic charge by cumming is like the pressure many people feel when they are ready to go out for dinner or a movie, but their friend or partner is not as ready. There’s an internal pressure to try and move things along and ‘help’ their friend to get ready. But this rarely helps. If they do try and hurry their date along it often ends in nothing but disaster and misery for all.
An alternative is to ‘make friends’ with the feeling of being turned-on, and with your heightened erotic charge, and to see what happens with this experience. Learn to welcome and even nurture this erotic charge and energetic-ness, instead of expecting that it has to be released. Make friends with the erotic charge by relaxing and accepting what is taking place in the erotic encounter. Find out what magic might take place if you stay charged for an hour, or a day, or a year!
Find out what magic might take place if you stay charged for an hour, or a day, or a year!
Think about this for a minute: in erotic encounters there are people in various stages of undress, highly focused on each other’s feelings as well as their own feelings and tensions and charges and touch. There are heightened forms of erotic love, sights of beautiful naked forms, delicious genital feelings, and delicious feelings expanding out into other areas of the body. In other words, rather than following an inward pressure to ‘get somewhere’ and end it all, why not treat the experience as though there’s plenty of time to admire, enjoy, and simply be engaged with an eager erotic and loving body.
Love your erotic charge.
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