The real point of foreplay is …

The real point of foreplay is …


Sex is always about pleasure – wanting it, seeking it, needing it, and enjoying it’
Nan Wise ‘Why Good Sex Matters” p.37

In philosophy there are various important discussions – I write this tongue in cheek. Whenever I heard these discussions, I wondered how come sensible people would waste their time on writing them and thinking about them. There is the Sorites Paradox which is an argument about when is a heap of sand not a heap of sand.

Under the assumption that removing a single grain does not turn a heap into a non-heap, the paradox is to consider what happens when the process is repeated enough times: is a single remaining grain still a heap? If not, when did it change from a heap to a non-heap?

So while it is a sensible argument where is it practical? It is a totally practical argument when it comes to sex. Or rather when it comes to deciding what is sex.

Ask yourself ‘What is sex?’

So you may have many answers to this question. But no one could complain if you said words to the effect of

‘intimacy between two people that leads to some sort of genital engagement’

Well, that sounds good. But let’s take a grain of sand off and by asking what are the genitals. Do we mean only the penis or the vagina? What about breasts, or anus’s? What engagement is real engagement?

Ok let’s continue.

Is oral sex, sex?

If oral sex is not sex would you mind if your partner had oral sex with someone else? Most people would argue that oral sex is actually sex. Exploring the grains that are left in the heap show that they apparently act very much like a heap.

What about sexting? Is that sex? Another grain is taken off the heap. Do we still have a heap?

Again, would you have a problem with a significant other sexting with someone else? We are nowhere near genital touch, at this point. Do we still have a heap?

What about deep French kissing? Is that sex? Again, would you feel squeamish if a partner was doing it with another person?

What about masturbation? Is that sex? It is intimate and involves genitals. Do we still have a heap? Are we still in the area of sex?

This is a rather long way of getting to the point that the idea of separating foreplay from sex is a silly idea. And in another blog I will canvass the idea that foreplay, far from just serving as an introduction or preparation for ‘sex’ should legitimately be treated as a main course in itself.